(The following 'creation account' was found on the back of a postcard little Friedrich Nietzsche mailed his Dad from a summer camp in Switzerland, after having just been tossed off the Alps, as a prank, by the bully who slept in the bunk below him.)

Dear Dad:

IN THE BEGINNING...
..the earth was formless and void, and darkness was on the face of the deep. Naturally, the Spirit of God had holes, huge ones, in his hiking boots from treading on the void for so long, whilst he kicked a can...
...OVER THE SURFACE OF THE WATERS.
Many eons of darkness passed till one day (or was it night?) his foot missed the can and he mumbled, "Boy, I wish there was a little...light."
Instantly, THERE WAS LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enough LIGHT to fill the shadowy gap between each and every pair of soon-to-be-created misplaced front teeth in the cosmos! Enough LIGHT to make darkness take a taxi to Edison, New Jersy, and attempt to strangle Thomas Alva Edison in his sleep! Enough LIGHT to fill Times Square, Tokyo, and Tolula Bankhead's cranium!
"Holy Shit!" God exclaimed, blinking in surprise, "the word I said... suddenly became a thing!" Whereupon God bit his tongue crushingly. For knowing he was God, he also knew it was impossible for him to go back on his word.
Meanwhile, God peered glumly at all the holy...shitty things he'd just created.

Please, PLEASE let me come home before another holy shitty thing happens to me at camp!

Your loving son, Freddie

Previous... Anti-Reductionists' Collections of Sayings

Continued... Interview With God